You Are Not Alone: A Therapist’s Note on the Emotional Weight of IVF

Going through IVF can be one of the most emotionally complex journeys a person or couple ever faces. While much of the focus is often on the medical aspects—hormone levels, embryo transfers, appointments, and outcomes—what often gets overlooked is the emotional toll it can take. As a therapist, I want to hold space for that part of your experience.

IVF can feel incredibly isolating, even if you’re surrounded by supportive people. You may find yourself smiling at friends who don’t quite understand, dodging questions you aren’t ready to answer, or feeling a deep ache when others seem to move through fertility with ease. The process is filled with so much waiting, uncertainty, and hope—hope that sometimes builds up, only to crash down again. These emotional ups and downs are not a sign of weakness. They are a very human response to a deeply vulnerable experience.

If you’ve been feeling anxious, emotionally exhausted, or quietly overwhelmed, please know that these feelings are valid. They don't mean you're not strong—they mean you're navigating something incredibly hard with your whole heart. You don’t have to pretend to be okay all the time. It’s okay to grieve, to question, to need rest, and to seek comfort.

One approach I often recommend to support mental health during IVF is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). DBT offers a range of practical, skill-based tools that can help you manage difficult emotions and stay grounded through emotional storms. Distress Tolerance skills can help in moments of high stress—when you're waiting for results or feeling flooded by fear or disappointment. Emotion Regulation techniques can help you recognize and respond to emotional shifts without being consumed by them. Mindfulness encourages you to stay present, gently shifting focus away from overwhelming thoughts about the future or the past. And Interpersonal Effectiveness can help you express your needs clearly and build stronger, more supportive relationships during this time.

You don’t have to walk this path alone. Therapy, community, and self-compassion can offer real relief. There is strength in acknowledging your pain, and there is healing in allowing yourself to be supported. You are doing the best you can in a deeply difficult process—and that deserves tenderness, not pressure.